it hurts...

Assalamualaikum...first of all...this is sem 4...welcome...and it's not depressed or something..it's just painful moment just hit me.
My childhood crush have a boyfriend..and i failed to tell her that i love her and my love for her never changed a bit...
But yeah...she choose someone over me...maybe she want to move on...just slowly forgetting me...i don't know...
i hope she is happy...i really do even though it's killing me inside slowly...
am i too fat? am i too dumb to realize this? am i the guy who can't change? or am i the guy who always being pushed away everything i finally got it?
the way i see it...All of the above is correct.
See? that's my problem!
Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed! that's all i get and that's all i see. Specialist in Failure...they were right...i can prove to them...sometimes i hate myself...
I give my heart but looks like i'm the one who scares her away...
i am the monster who everyone changed when they see me...
that's right...thanks to my mistake...i don't believe in love anymore...Love with your crush is a lie
All of them is a lie...i wish it was me...but you have to make a decision...and i don't get mad because of you...i get mad because of me...i am the cause...i am the main problem...oh god...i'm so hurt...
goodbye.
Assalamualaikum.