Ghost Of The Posts

Sunday, 19 July 2015

Diagnosa.

Assalamualaikum, it's been a while...busy in life, busy chasing things i don't even consider this me anymore...i'm think i've already change right before my eyes...i said to myself...don't worry everything will be fine...but i think it's going to be really hard to move and meeting new people because it's hard to find the one that needed to meet and greet...included meeting some old friends...on the other hand...i'm stuck between need and wants...i'm stuck and i can't move and think...i kept thinking die and suicide every single day...i'm having a terrible time...luckily i have family and friends to move...but i need to go and get it what i want. it's hard...you know...this thing right here is the only spot i can say it freely....i say that i hate myself, i hate everything about me and i hate about things that i did because everything i did will be backlash to me again...i'm tired and i'm hurt and i need time...but time will wait for no one..i probably gone crazy and thoughtless...but i gotta keep my heads up and go with it..before i'm going down...if they can keep me up.

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

#RedemptionYear

Assalam, and happy new year to all...and to be honest....2014 IS NOT MY YEAR....
I got Posterized, Slammed, gutted,spitted and more...although some good things do happen but...2014 is teaches me to stay alert...and to stay strong...
I Almost lose hope for what happen in 2014....from Personal Issue, Family Issue,Friends Issue, College Issue and more...we all have this problem right? we all have it...but how can withstand with all those problem? that's why we can't lose hope...i'm just praying and working for a better future. I Can't do it without hope and dreams...it will breaks my promise...Even though the bad things has happen...there's always a silver lining....
THE WORST HAS HAPPEN...
THE BEST THING IS NEXT....#RedemptionYear.
Wassalam.

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

it hurts...

Assalamualaikum...first of all...this is sem 4...welcome...and it's not depressed or something..it's just painful moment just hit me.
My childhood crush have a boyfriend..and i failed to tell her that i love her and my love for her never changed a bit...
But yeah...she choose someone over me...maybe she want to move on...just slowly forgetting me...i don't know...
i hope she is happy...i really do even though it's killing me inside slowly...
am i too fat? am i too dumb to realize this? am i the guy who can't change? or am i the guy who always being pushed away everything i finally got it?
the way i see it...All of the above is correct.
See? that's my problem!
Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed! that's all i get and that's all i see. Specialist in Failure...they were right...i can prove to them...sometimes i hate myself...
I give my heart but looks like i'm the one who scares her away...
i am the monster who everyone changed when they see me...
that's right...thanks to my mistake...i don't believe in love anymore...Love with your crush is a lie
All of them is a lie...i wish it was me...but you have to make a decision...and i don't get mad because of you...i get mad because of me...i am the cause...i am the main problem...oh god...i'm so hurt...
goodbye.
Assalamualaikum.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

I need help...

Assalam...first of all...Me and my crush just became friends again...that's a great news. but I've been  doing some thinking and realizing...i can't make someone in love with me except my family of course. i really wanted to feel love...but when it's comes to me...i know i don't deserved to be loved. maybe not now....maybe the best is waiting or already in front of me just didn't realize or...Maybe in unexpected time. i want to create the best love story just like Nicholas Sparks (Writer love stories).


Sunday, 10 August 2014

I'm sorry.

Assalam, sorry i didn't update this blog because i was too busy for myself about college stuff but that's not why i'm here...i'm here because My Childhood Crush hates me...it bothers me for knowing the truth. i was devastated because i was too warped up for her and i paid the price. if you see the screenshot that i take...you will see why i cry, why i was devastated, why i make her angry. people changes so does she.
I know she's has a crush/boyfriend just she never admitted. Truth hurts but lies are worse.
I love her with all my heart. 10 years we been missing and 4 moths ago i finally found her and it was worthless because my ultimate goal is Meeting her, but she hates me now. And i lost my chances. I failed. I been in bicycle accident, Broken Shin, ankle's splits, kneecap injured, dislocated
shoulders and many more and if i times more than all i feel...THIS is 100000000 hurts more. *That person* if you see this. I'm sorry because i was been so needed you. I really hope we will meet again Insyaallah
p/s: I love You.







Friday, 6 June 2014

Chances or Fate?

Assalam, finally my Semester 2 is done....and i'm tired...and scared because i don't know the result of my finals...i'm anxious....the other news is My childhood crush...yes, she has a boyfriend...i think it's been a while, before i found i think she's already have a boyfriend maybe because i was a step too late? or she met him since her school age? because anything can happen in 10 years...i want to meet her but i still have no chance to see her...i wanna talk to her, smile,laugh, reminiscent our memories and latest info...i don't care if i gone away to somewhere but...before that thing happen i wanna see her First! how many chances you gotta try? how many of them did you made it?....there's only one thing to say about her before i left....
VoicePlay - Young & Beautiful

Friday, 9 May 2014

ARE YOU READY?

Assalam, finals is here...and it been Busy like hell! i know me and the guys are working our asses off but i still think, that i'm just a small part or role in assignment because i'm just average dude...even though i get credits because for the brains but i still low at studying...even my childhood friend or girlfriend....I'M STILL CONFUSED!! i want her! i want my future!i want my family stay happy! i want to be in heaven! I DESERVED BETTER! If i want it...i gotta go get it! this is my chance. this is my time. my time is now. the stage is mine.it doesn't get any better than this. i will fight, i will not stay down, i will stop i will have the passion and drive to succeed!! DAMN IT! why it's so hard to prepare yourself to a war?? Like Sandman,Roach,Ghost,Capt.Price and others always prepare for wars and willing to take the blow...am i really ready? am i gonna make it? am i gonna get my future? i don't know what i'm facing...but i'll make sure i will be ready.