Ghost Of The Posts

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

it hurts...

Assalamualaikum...first of all...this is sem 4...welcome...and it's not depressed or something..it's just painful moment just hit me.
My childhood crush have a boyfriend..and i failed to tell her that i love her and my love for her never changed a bit...
But yeah...she choose someone over me...maybe she want to move on...just slowly forgetting me...i don't know...
i hope she is happy...i really do even though it's killing me inside slowly...
am i too fat? am i too dumb to realize this? am i the guy who can't change? or am i the guy who always being pushed away everything i finally got it?
the way i see it...All of the above is correct.
See? that's my problem!
Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed! that's all i get and that's all i see. Specialist in Failure...they were right...i can prove to them...sometimes i hate myself...
I give my heart but looks like i'm the one who scares her away...
i am the monster who everyone changed when they see me...
that's right...thanks to my mistake...i don't believe in love anymore...Love with your crush is a lie
All of them is a lie...i wish it was me...but you have to make a decision...and i don't get mad because of you...i get mad because of me...i am the cause...i am the main problem...oh god...i'm so hurt...
goodbye.
Assalamualaikum.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

I need help...

Assalam...first of all...Me and my crush just became friends again...that's a great news. but I've been  doing some thinking and realizing...i can't make someone in love with me except my family of course. i really wanted to feel love...but when it's comes to me...i know i don't deserved to be loved. maybe not now....maybe the best is waiting or already in front of me just didn't realize or...Maybe in unexpected time. i want to create the best love story just like Nicholas Sparks (Writer love stories).


Sunday, 10 August 2014

I'm sorry.

Assalam, sorry i didn't update this blog because i was too busy for myself about college stuff but that's not why i'm here...i'm here because My Childhood Crush hates me...it bothers me for knowing the truth. i was devastated because i was too warped up for her and i paid the price. if you see the screenshot that i take...you will see why i cry, why i was devastated, why i make her angry. people changes so does she.
I know she's has a crush/boyfriend just she never admitted. Truth hurts but lies are worse.
I love her with all my heart. 10 years we been missing and 4 moths ago i finally found her and it was worthless because my ultimate goal is Meeting her, but she hates me now. And i lost my chances. I failed. I been in bicycle accident, Broken Shin, ankle's splits, kneecap injured, dislocated
shoulders and many more and if i times more than all i feel...THIS is 100000000 hurts more. *That person* if you see this. I'm sorry because i was been so needed you. I really hope we will meet again Insyaallah
p/s: I love You.







Friday, 6 June 2014

Chances or Fate?

Assalam, finally my Semester 2 is done....and i'm tired...and scared because i don't know the result of my finals...i'm anxious....the other news is My childhood crush...yes, she has a boyfriend...i think it's been a while, before i found i think she's already have a boyfriend maybe because i was a step too late? or she met him since her school age? because anything can happen in 10 years...i want to meet her but i still have no chance to see her...i wanna talk to her, smile,laugh, reminiscent our memories and latest info...i don't care if i gone away to somewhere but...before that thing happen i wanna see her First! how many chances you gotta try? how many of them did you made it?....there's only one thing to say about her before i left....
VoicePlay - Young & Beautiful

Friday, 9 May 2014

ARE YOU READY?

Assalam, finals is here...and it been Busy like hell! i know me and the guys are working our asses off but i still think, that i'm just a small part or role in assignment because i'm just average dude...even though i get credits because for the brains but i still low at studying...even my childhood friend or girlfriend....I'M STILL CONFUSED!! i want her! i want my future!i want my family stay happy! i want to be in heaven! I DESERVED BETTER! If i want it...i gotta go get it! this is my chance. this is my time. my time is now. the stage is mine.it doesn't get any better than this. i will fight, i will not stay down, i will stop i will have the passion and drive to succeed!! DAMN IT! why it's so hard to prepare yourself to a war?? Like Sandman,Roach,Ghost,Capt.Price and others always prepare for wars and willing to take the blow...am i really ready? am i gonna make it? am i gonna get my future? i don't know what i'm facing...but i'll make sure i will be ready.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Memoirs of Dream Street

Assalam...Hey Guys, well it's a been rough week for me because lots of problem and works still uncovered...i'm still drawing blank just because i can't do this....it's too heavy...But you never know your true strength if you haven't try...right?

then, i've been too many crushes....TOO MANY...i really want to be loved by someone that i can tells a secret to, hangout,watch a movie, tells a story about our lives and problem and giving advice but i never tasted that...other than my own family... but having too many crushes is a problem,ya know? because i'm supposed to be wait and hold on the one i was waiting for...

College can kill you if you not prepare trust me...i've been there it took you money,life and gives you stress but....if you good enough you can take em...all you need is Determination,trust and Finally....BE PATIENT...DON'T BE AN IDIOT who makes a stupid jokes....

Friday, 11 April 2014

It's really worth it?


I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF ABOUT FRIENDSHIP AND THE REALITY….I KNOW I CAN’T BE A GOOD FRIEND BUT I CAN’T SAY THAT I’M YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE SOMETIME I FEEL THAT WHEN I SEE PEOPLE THAT JOIN THEIR OWN KIND IT’S SAD…BECAUSE DIDN’T THEY LEARNED ANYTHING FROM ORIENTATION THAT WE SUFFER?? BROKEN BODIES, WOUND, FULLS OF SCARS, HUMILATION…IS IT WORTH IT? HONESTLY I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I CAN’T SEE ANYHTING NOW…I’M FLYING BLIND…I DON’T KNOW THEY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME…OR I AM TO BLIND TO SEE THIS FRIENDSHIP? I DON’T KNOW MY STRENGTH OR MY ABILITY IS USEFUL AT THIS COLLEGE THE REASON WAS FIRST TIME I CAME TO THIS CLASS, AUTOMATICALLY I’VE JUST BECAME LONER, CLASS JOKER,DULL, WHY CAN’T WE BE HAPPY????? I WANT TO STUDY, TO LEARN, TO MAKE FRIENDS, TO BECOME A GOOD FRIEND, AND NOW EVERYBODY WANT TO BE “BAD BOY” SO THEY CAN CLOSE TO GIRLS…  QUITE FRANKLY, I CAN’T CHANGE MYSELF INTO A BAD BOY THAT WOULD BE BREAKING MY PROMISE TO MY FAMILY AND MYSELF… SO THAT’S WHY THEY SAY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST… AND I’M GOING TO PROVE THEM WRONG…ONCE AND FOR ALL...I DON’T WANT BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN ME….

Thursday, 20 March 2014

Childhood of Silver Lining Dreams...

Assalam...it's been a while i haven't open my blog to update what's up....so here's the situation....

I finally met my childhood Friend that i consider is my truly first love beside my mom. and she still remembers me....and i know i've been make a lot of crush lately such as the girl at tuition,Farah hani,jia,diana and others...they might be caught my attention and i almost give my heart away to someone that i have no chances to be with....

But...my childhood friend...she's different what i like about her...she haven't changed a bit...probably our age but...i jumped for joy when she still remembers me...when i was a kid...She is my crush...the very first crush...we became best friend in our childhood but...when we become older...and older our friends kinda separated a bit...took me 9 years to find her and meet her again....Can't wait to see her again...i really miss her...

B.T.W Al-fatihah to my late friend Rafie Razak who died in motorcycle Accident after he got his Dean's certificate and celebrate with his friends and that's was his last meal...we miss you bro!


it took me year to find her....and say this to her...
 Find my childhood girlfriend...Done.

Sunday, 26 January 2014

Battle for the Strongest...

Assalam,Hey guys i know it's been months i didn't update my blog because my college life and my personal life it takes a toll on my body..i'm tired ya know... cuz i want it all....nothing at all....it's all? or are we just friends? i really gone to clueless state of mind... i don't even have a slightest of problem with them...but suddenly they attack without a rational excuses... that's messed up... all my life, i've been trying to clawed my way out...and now it's just a problem to me...i'm torn into pieces with all these problem....time after time...some of them, are gone on the other hand still growing pain...i'm still trying to go where my dream and memory that more than i can chewed... some of my friends is changing some"thing" that i don't even recognized them anymore... he used to be a guy that fun and respectful...turned into a hot head and girl chaser...now that's a problem... i can't believe that just happened to me...i understand that...anyway, i still going to find my way to succeed because i will not stop until i get what i want....-Xpand your Imagination.