Diagnosa.

Assalamualaikum, it's been a while...busy in life, busy chasing things i don't even consider this me anymore...i'm think i've already change right before my eyes...i said to myself...don't worry everything will be fine...but i think it's going to be really hard to move and meeting new people because it's hard to find the one that needed to meet and greet...included meeting some old friends...on the other hand...i'm stuck between need and wants...i'm stuck and i can't move and think...i kept thinking die and suicide every single day...i'm having a terrible time...luckily i have family and friends to move...but i need to go and get it what i want. it's hard...you know...this thing right here is the only spot i can say it freely....i say that i hate myself, i hate everything about me and i hate about things that i did because everything i did will be backlash to me again...i'm tired and i'm hurt and i need time...but time will wait for no one..i probably gone crazy and thoughtless...but i gotta keep my heads up and go with it..before i'm going down...if they can keep me up.

#RedemptionYear

Assalam, and happy new year to all...and to be honest....2014 IS NOT MY YEAR....
I got Posterized, Slammed, gutted,spitted and more...although some good things do happen but...2014 is teaches me to stay alert...and to stay strong...
I Almost lose hope for what happen in 2014....from Personal Issue, Family Issue,Friends Issue, College Issue and more...we all have this problem right? we all have it...but how can withstand with all those problem? that's why we can't lose hope...i'm just praying and working for a better future. I Can't do it without hope and dreams...it will breaks my promise...Even though the bad things has happen...there's always a silver lining....
THE WORST HAS HAPPEN...
THE BEST THING IS NEXT....#RedemptionYear.
Wassalam.

it hurts...

Assalamualaikum...first of all...this is sem 4...welcome...and it's not depressed or something..it's just painful moment just hit me.
My childhood crush have a boyfriend..and i failed to tell her that i love her and my love for her never changed a bit...
But yeah...she choose someone over me...maybe she want to move on...just slowly forgetting me...i don't know...
i hope she is happy...i really do even though it's killing me inside slowly...
am i too fat? am i too dumb to realize this? am i the guy who can't change? or am i the guy who always being pushed away everything i finally got it?
the way i see it...All of the above is correct.
See? that's my problem!
Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed Failed! that's all i get and that's all i see. Specialist in Failure...they were right...i can prove to them...sometimes i hate myself...
I give my heart but looks like i'm the one who scares her away...
i am the monster who everyone changed when they see me...
that's right...thanks to my mistake...i don't believe in love anymore...Love with your crush is a lie
All of them is a lie...i wish it was me...but you have to make a decision...and i don't get mad because of you...i get mad because of me...i am the cause...i am the main problem...oh god...i'm so hurt...
goodbye.
Assalamualaikum.

I need help...

Assalam...first of all...Me and my crush just became friends again...that's a great news. but I've been  doing some thinking and realizing...i can't make someone in love with me except my family of course. i really wanted to feel love...but when it's comes to me...i know i don't deserved to be loved. maybe not now....maybe the best is waiting or already in front of me just didn't realize or...Maybe in unexpected time. i want to create the best love story just like Nicholas Sparks (Writer love stories).

Memoirs of Dream Street

Assalam...Hey Guys, well it's a been rough week for me because lots of problem and works still uncovered...i'm still drawing blank just because i can't do this....it's too heavy...But you never know your true strength if you haven't try...right?

then, i've been too many crushes....TOO MANY...i really want to be loved by someone that i can tells a secret to, hangout,watch a movie, tells a story about our lives and problem and giving advice but i never tasted that...other than my own family... but having too many crushes is a problem,ya know? because i'm supposed to be wait and hold on the one i was waiting for...

College can kill you if you not prepare trust me...i've been there it took you money,life and gives you stress but....if you good enough you can take em...all you need is Determination,trust and Finally....BE PATIENT...DON'T BE AN IDIOT who makes a stupid jokes....

It's really worth it?

I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF ABOUT FRIENDSHIP AND THE REALITY….I KNOW I CAN’T BE A GOOD FRIEND BUT I CAN’T SAY THAT I’M YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE SOMETIME I FEEL THAT WHEN I SEE PEOPLE THAT JOIN THEIR OWN KIND IT’S SAD…BECAUSE DIDN’T THEY LEARNED ANYTHING FROM ORIENTATION THAT WE SUFFER?? BROKEN BODIES, WOUND, FULLS OF SCARS, HUMILATION…IS IT WORTH IT? HONESTLY I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I CAN’T SEE ANYHTING NOW…I’M FLYING BLIND…I DON’T KNOW THEY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME…OR I AM TO BLIND TO SEE THIS FRIENDSHIP? I DON’T KNOW MY STRENGTH OR MY ABILITY IS USEFUL AT THIS COLLEGE THE REASON WAS FIRST TIME I CAME TO THIS CLASS, AUTOMATICALLY I’VE JUST BECAME LONER, CLASS JOKER,DULL, WHY CAN’T WE BE HAPPY????? I WANT TO STUDY, TO LEARN, TO MAKE FRIENDS, TO BECOME A GOOD FRIEND, AND NOW EVERYBODY WANT TO BE “BAD BOY” SO THEY CAN CLOSE TO GIRLS…  QUITE FRANKLY, I CAN’T CHANGE MYSELF INTO A BAD BOY THAT WOULD BE BREAKING MY PROMISE TO MY FAMILY AND MYSELF… SO THAT’S WHY THEY SAY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST… AND I’M GOING TO PROVE THEM WRONG…ONCE AND FOR ALL...I DON’T WANT BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN ME….

Childhood of Silver Lining Dreams...

Assalam...it's been a while i haven't open my blog to update what's up....so here's the situation....

I finally met my childhood Friend that i consider is my truly first love beside my mom. and she still remembers me....and i know i've been make a lot of crush lately such as the girl at tuition,Farah hani,jia,diana and others...they might be caught my attention and i almost give my heart away to someone that i have no chances to be with....

But...my childhood friend...she's different what i like about her...she haven't changed a bit...probably our age but...i jumped for joy when she still remembers me...when i was a kid...She is my crush...the very first crush...we became best friend in our childhood but...when we become older...and older our friends kinda separated a bit...took me 9 years to find her and meet her again....Can't wait to see her again...i really miss her...

B.T.W Al-fatihah to my late friend Rafie Razak who died in motorcycle Accident after he got his Dean's certificate and celebrate with his friends and that's was his last meal...we miss you bro!

it took me year to find her....and say this to her...

 Find my childhood girlfriend...Done.